Sensory Love Mastery For Autism Parents
Your Child’s Sensory Sensitivities Are Not a Disorder.
They Are a Superpower.
By Stuart McGhie, Autism Father & Founder of Connecting Hearts
We have journeyed through the expressive realms of Creation Love and Story Love.
We have danced to the vibrant beat of Rhythm Love.
We have learned to see, hear, and feel our children’s communication in ways we never imagined.
Today, we delve into what is perhaps the most intimate and intricate of all the love languages.
It’s a language that is often a source of immense stress, confusion, and misunderstanding for parents.
It’s a language that is written on the very fabric of a child’s being.
Welcome to the world of Sensory Love.
If your child insists on wearing the same soft t-shirt every day, if they are captivated by the scent of a particular flower, if they are distressed by the sound of the vacuum cleaner, or if they find deep comfort in the pressure of a tight hug, then you are already having a conversation in Sensory Love.
For decades, we’ve been taught to see these traits through the clinical lens of “Sensory Processing Disorder.”
We’ve been told it’s a problem with how their brain interprets sensory information.
It’s a deficit.
A disorder. Something to be managed with therapies, weighted blankets, and noise-cancelling headphones.
While these tools can be helpful, I want to offer you a paradigm shift.
What if your child’s sensory experience is not a disorder, but a superpower?
What if their heightened senses are not a burden, but a form of profound wisdom?
And what if their sensory needs are not a challenge, but a love letter?
What is Sensory Love?
Sensory Love is the use of the five senses—touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound—to communicate feelings, to connect with the world, and to share one’s inner state.
It’s the language of the mystic, the poet, the connoisseur.
It’s the ability to experience the world with a richness and depth that most of us have learned to tune out.
When your child is speaking the language of Sensory Love, they are saying:
• “This is what feels safe and good to me.”
• “Notice the world with the same wonder that I do.”
• “Share this beautiful sensation with me.”
• “Help me feel calm and connected in a world that is often overwhelming.”
Your child’s sensory system is like a finely tuned instrument.
It can pick up on subtleties that we miss.
The gentle hum of the refrigerator, the faint scent of rain in the air, the slightly scratchy tag on a shirt—these are not just minor details to them.
They are a symphony. And sometimes, that symphony can be overwhelming.
Their sensory preferences are not random.
They are a roadmap to their heart.
They are their way of telling you what they need to feel safe, loved, and connected in the world.
My Son, The Sensory Sage
My son has always had a deep connection to the sense of smell. As a toddler, he would spend ages smelling flowers, herbs in the garden, and even the spices in our kitchen cabinet.
He also had a strong aversion to artificial scents and would become distressed in places with strong perfumes or air fresheners.
For a long time, I saw this as a “sensitivity” to be managed. I avoided certain stores. I asked family members not to wear perfume. It was a source of stress.
My perspective shifted when I saw it not as a limitation, but as wisdom.
He wasn’t just “sensitive”; he had a refined palate.
He was a connoisseur of scent.
He was teaching me to pay attention, to notice the subtle language of the world around me.
One day, we were walking in the park, and he stopped, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.
He then took my hand and led me to a small, unassuming bush with tiny white flowers.
I would have walked right past it. But he leaned in and smelled the flowers, then looked at me and smiled. I leaned in, too.
The scent was intoxicatingly sweet, like jasmine and honey. It was a moment of pure, shared bliss.
He hadn’t said a word, but his message was clear: “Dad, stop rushing. Notice this beauty with me.
Share this moment of sensory joy.” He wasn’t just smelling a flower; he was sending me a love letter.
How to Become a Master of Sensory Love
Are you ready to become a student of your child’s sensory wisdom?
Here are three ways to begin mastering the language of Sensory Love.
1. Become a Sensory Detective
For one week, your mission is to create a “Sensory Profile” for your child. Observe their preferences and aversions for each of the five senses. No judgment, just observation.
• Touch: What textures do they love (soft blankets, smooth stones)? What do they avoid (scratchy tags, sticky fingers)?
• Taste: What flavours and textures of food do they seek out or refuse?
• Smell: What scents calm them (lavender, vanilla) or agitate them (perfumes, cleaning products)?
• Sight: What kind of visual input do they enjoy (twinkling lights, bright colours, organised patterns)?
• Sound: What sounds do they love (classical music, nature sounds)? What sounds are distressing (blender, sirens)?
This profile is your personalised guidebook to your child’s nervous system.
2. Honour Their Needs (and See Them as Wisdom)
Once you have your Sensory Profile, start honouring their needs proactively. See their preferences not as picky or difficult, but as a wise request for what their body needs to feel good.
Cut the tags off their shirts. Use unscented laundry detergent. Create a cosy, quiet corner in your home with soft pillows and blankets.
By honouring their sensory needs, you are sending a powerful message: “I hear you. Your needs are important to me. I will help you feel safe.”
3. Plan a “Sensory Date”
Choose one of your child’s favourite sensory experiences and plan a special “date” around it. This is a beautiful way to connect and show your love.
• If they love touch, have a “texture hunt” around the house, finding soft, smooth, and bumpy things to feel.
• If they love smells, visit a bakery or a botanical garden.
• If they love sound, lie on the grass together and just listen to the birds.
During this date, your only job is to be present and share the experience with them. You are entering their world and speaking their language.
Sensory Love is an invitation to slow down, to be present, and to experience the world with the same sense of wonder as your child.
It’s a reminder that their sensitivities are not a weakness, but a doorway to a richer, more beautiful reality.
Next, we will explore the final, and perhaps most profound, of the five languages: Presence Love Mastery.
We will discover why, sometimes, the most powerful communication happens in silence.
Ready to Experience the World Through Your Child’s Senses?
Understanding your child’s sensory world is key to a deep and lasting connection.
In the Connecting Hearts book and course, you’ll learn:
• How to create a sensory-friendly home that feels like a sanctuary for your child.
• Strategies for navigating overwhelming sensory environments (like grocery stores or family gatherings).
• A complete guide to creating your child’s Sensory Profile.
What is one of your child’s unique sensory preferences?
What do you think they are communicating through it?
Share your sensory detective findings in the comments!
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