Rhythm Love Mastery For Autism Parents
Your Child’s Stimming is Not a Symptom.
It’s a Sacred Dance.
By Stuart McGhie, Autism Father & Founder of Connecting Hearts
We’ve explored the tangible world of Creation Love, seeing masterpieces in what we once called messes.
We’ve journeyed through the magical realm of Story Love, finding deep connection within our children’s favourite narratives.
Today, we tune into a different frequency. We move from the things we can see and hold to the energy we can feel.
We are here to learn the third of the five Universal Love Languages: Rhythm Love.
Of all the languages, this may be the one that is most misunderstood, most judged, and most pathologised by the outside world. Rhythm, Love is the language of stimming.
The word “stimming” (short for self-stimulatory behaviour) is a clinical term. It’s cold. It implies a problem.
It’s often described as a “symptom” of autism, a way to “self-regulate,” or a “purposeless, repetitive behaviour.”
I am here to offer you a radically different perspective. A perspective that will transform your view of stimming forever.
Your child’s stimming is not a symptom to be managed.
It is not a behaviour to be extinguished. It is a sacred dance.
It is the physical expression of their life force, their joy, their emotion. It is a love letter written in the language of rhythm.
What is Rhythm Love?
Rhythm Love is the use of movement, sound, and repetition to express one’s inner state and to connect with the energetic flow of the universe.
It’s the body’s native language, a form of communication that predates words by millennia.
When your child is speaking the language of Rhythm Love, they are saying:
• “This is what joy feels like in my body!”
• “I am releasing this big emotion.”
• “Feel this energy with me!”
• “I am connecting to the rhythm of life itself.”
It can manifest as:
• Hand-flapping.
• Rocking back and forth.
• Spinning or twirling.
• Humming or vocalising repetitive sounds.
• Tapping or drumming on surfaces.
• Pacing or running in patterns.
For so long, we’ve been taught to see these behaviours as something to stop.
We’re told they’re “not appropriate.”
We worry about what other people will think. We try to redirect our children to more “normal” activities.
But every time we do that, we are essentially saying, “Stop dancing. Stop singing. Stop expressing your joy. Your language is wrong.” We are inadvertently shushing their soul.
My Son, The Dancer
My son is a beautiful dancer. He doesn’t perform choreographed routines; he channels the rhythm of his heart.
He flaps his hands when he’s excited, a flutter of pure joy.
He rocks when he’s listening to music, his body a perfect metronome.
He spins when he’s feeling free, a whirlwind of uninhibited bliss.
For years, I tried to make him stop. I would gently hold his hands. I would interrupt his rocking. I was embarrassed. I was afraid. I was trying to make him fit into a world that didn’t understand his dance.
My transformation came the day I decided to join him. He was flapping his hands with excitement over a new toy. Instead of trying to calm him down, I stood in front of him, smiled, and started flapping my own hands.
He stopped. He looked at me with wide, curious eyes. And then, a huge grin spread across his face.
He started flapping again, this time with me. In that moment, we weren’t a parent and a child with a “behaviour.” We were two dancers, sharing a moment of pure joy.
We were speaking the same language.
How to Become a Master of Rhythm Love
Are you ready to join the dance? Here are three ways you can begin to honour and connect with your child through Rhythm Love.
1. Reframe the “Stim” as a “Dance”
This is the first and most crucial step. Words create worlds.
The moment you stop calling it “stimming” and start calling it your child’s “dance,” your perception will shift.
You will move from a place of judgment to a place of celebration.
See the beauty, the grace, and the expression in their movements.
2. Join the Dance (Mirror Magic for Rhythm)
This can feel vulnerable at first, but it is one of the quickest ways to build a bridge of connection.
When your child is in their rhythmic flow, gently and playfully mirror their movements for a few seconds.
If they’re rocking, you rock. If they’re humming, you hum along.
You don’t have to do it for long. It’s a simple acknowledgement that says, “I see you. I hear your song. I’m with you.”
3. Host a Family Dance Party
Put on your child’s favourite music—or any music with a great beat—and declare a 5-minute family dance party.
The only rule is that there are no rules.
Move your bodies however feels good.
Be silly.
Be free.
This creates a space where everyone’s unique rhythm is celebrated. It shows your child that movement is a joyful, connective activity, not something to be hidden or ashamed of.
Rhythm Love is an invitation to get out of your head and into your body.
It’s a call to connect with your child on a primal, energetic level. It’s a chance to see that their soul has a beat, and it’s the most beautiful music you’ve ever heard.
Next week, we will explore the rich and often overwhelming world of Sensory Love Mastery, and learn how your child’s sensory sensitivities are actually a form of profound wisdom.
Ready to Feel the Beat of Your Child’s Soul?
Learning to honour Rhythm Love is a game-changer.
In the Connecting Hearts book and course, you’ll discover:
• How to differentiate between joyful rhythms and movements that signal distress.
• How to use music and movement to help your child navigate challenging emotions.
• A curated playlist of “Rhythm Love” songs to get your family dance parties started.
What is your child’s unique “dance”?
What rhythm or movement expresses their joy?
Share it in the comments and let’s celebrate these beautiful rhythms together!
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